I don't know what that style is or what anyone feels like they're accomplishing, but on the flip side the blogosphere can also be a really positive place. We're all crazy so let's all be crazy together!
Dudes, I need some blogosphere positivism. I vacillate between, "YAY, THIS IS THE MOST FUN!" to "Why even bother. Boo hoo, woe is me, where is the chocolate?" on the daily.
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| bobby, on the other hand, seems to be in the best of moods lately. he's handling the pressure of learning all the things like he might actually be enjoying himself. |
Bobby has been stepping up to the plate like a mother fucking boss lately. For so many years this horse would be presented with a hard problem and he'd respond by flying backwards or sideways--or both--and that would be that. He wouldn't come back from it, and we'd never get anywhere. I'd get mad, he'd get mad, tantrums ensued, and we trained each other to do just enough.
But this year our relationship has finally settled. Getting knocked out of the show season with his freaky leg took all the pressure off. The goal went from DO ALL THE SHOWS to KEEP THE HORSE ALIVE. That kind of brings things in perspective, you know?
We've had a whole lot of bonding time and significantly less riding time, and I think that plays a lot into how we're both gelling so much more lately. After ten trillion years of riding this horse (close approximation), I feel like we have a stronger partnership than ever before.
All that is to say that I am SO EXCITED about how well we're doing right now. We're making tangible progress, Bobby can get pushed about hard things and he just buckles down and tries, and we're learning SO MANY THINGS.
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| i mean, i still can't post without looking like a fool, but lookit bobby reaching with those legs! |
So why the sad face?
I feel like there's a hand on top of my head holding me down while I'm trying to do a victory dance because we had our first real ride in the double and it went awesome (after trotting aimlessly for twenty minutes while Bobby worked out what all the metal in his mouth was about), or because I finally cued with the quietest aids and got the biggest canter, or because I have my own warm up plan and when it's done my horse comes out looking like a beast.
You're doing great? SIT DOWN.
It's like this person doesn't want me to actually get better. Bobby is only allowed to be fancy to a point, and I'm only allowed to learn new things to a point. Basically, don't get ahead of yourself, I am the top of the top here. Which, whatever, I'm not here to compete against anyone but myself. Calm the fuck down. But don't make me feel like shit because we're finally making progress. It's like it's a crime for me to actually be learning things and moving forward.
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| i can't believe i'm saying this, but i think i'm going saddle shopping again in the near future. noooooo. |
I have a hard time standing up for myself or owning it when I'm doing something right. My go-to is to turn any compliment right around and poke fun at myself. But that doesn't mean I'm not proud of what I can do right, or that I'm not excited about how well my horse is going. I'm not delusional. I know we're not some high sixties scoring pair. But I don't think we're a disgrace to dressage and riding in general.
Bobby and I are both completely new to this level. I feel like we could bluff our way through Second well enough, but as we start sticking our noses into Third more and more, spots I've missed in his training are going to show up more. Plus I just don't know how to train the "tricks". No idea.
I really, really want to learn though. I want to learn more, I want to learn everything. Don't #learningshame me, yo.
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| coming out of warm up stretchies read to #werk |
Has anyone else ever run into something like this? Be it in lessons or barn drama or just a "friend" trying to one-up you all the time? It really bums me out.
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