Let him live

Bobby has been keeping us all on emotional roller coaster. He is nothing if not his own personal drama machine. One day he's dying of cancer, the next he's in danger of foundering, and then by the end of the week he's jumping 18" like it's 5' and trying to take off afterwards because he's a wild stallion, bitches.

He still has cancer, we're still keeping an eagle eye on his feet, and his temperature, and his weight, and his breathing...and literally anything else that we can think of. But for whatever reason Bobby has decided that he feels great this week, and I don't want to be sad and just stand there and pet his mule ears and wonder when his last day is going to be when I have a (mysteriously/miraculously) sound horse ready to go and do the thing.

As BM put it in my lesson this morning, "Last week we thought he was going to die. This week he looks so happy and he's having the time of his life. Embrace it!"

really annoyed i wanted him to hold to still to
get a pic of the driveway getting redone when all
he wanted to do was go for a trail ride. 

We had a jumping lesson this morning to prepare for our hunter show on Sunday. We did three courses of six 18"-2' jumps after spending a good amount of time at the walk and trot getting reminded how to ride. BM had us working between renvers and travers to get his hind legs stepping under without winging around like the giant laterally inclined moose he is. Typical of us, we went from having to drill the bend when we last left off with lessons to now having too much bend and trying to stay straight.

We didn't do much in the canter because some fatty hasn't worked on two point in a jump saddle in far longer than she cares to admit and was struggling to maintain her breathing. I could hold the position just fine, it was just taking everything I had to do it. BM kindly pointed out that I'm probably going to die doing an entire hack division, but we all have to make sacrifices. #doitforthesatin

yeah, we're gonna need to do some personal
grooming before sunday.

We finally moved right along to the course not wasting any jumping efforts on warm up. Keep it short and sweet and preserve the feet. (Speaking of feet, when Farrier was back earlier this week she was like, "I went home last week and cried because Bobby has cancer and I love Bobby!" Bobby Magee: Fan Favorite.)

Our first run through was a hot mess. None of my body parts remembered what they were supposed to be doing, and Bobby was so stoked to be jumping that we might have finished the course faster than the speed of light. The second time I shortened my stirrups a hole, BM had gotten a read on what I needed to be yelled at for (All of it. Just...all of it.), and away we went. Much better, but still too grabby on my part causing some awkward distances. The third time was the charm and we hit everything out of stride and quit there.

....after doing a victory gallop lap because I could not pull my horse up. Could. Not. BM giggling while calling out, "Hoooo, ho, Bobby." was of no help.

I know some of you are going to judge me for taking a horse with a lot of problems and throwing him right back into the deep end. Two words: Bye, Felecia.

I don't know if the cancer is going to progress to where we have to euthanize him. I don't know if his feet are going to progress to where he's not comfortable enough to be ridden anymore. I do know that right now he's completely sound, he's happy to be in work, and if he gives any indication anything is too much, we'll stop right there.

what fungus leg? hoping to get that spot on his
knee cleared up, but he may very well have it forever.
the answer to all cancer questions is: i don't know.

In the meantime, I'm going to enjoy every ride I get to have on my horse. Who knows if it might be our last?

Fungus Leg

Here is a picture of Bobby ears so hopefully the first thing that pops up for you isn't pus.

go no further if medical mysteries make you queasy.
if they don't, where were you two weeks ago when i was dry heaving in the aisle?

After all the lead up to sharing these pictures, I hope their grossness fulfills all you freaks that wanted to see them. Maybe it's just me, but I would rather having huge open wounds with gushing blood than the smallest pocket of pus. Even just thinking about it makes me gag. I have no stomach for such things, so maybe some of you won't find these as awful as I did.

where we started, back in january

february, when i first had the vet look at it

february

february

losing hair in march when i had the vet
out for the second time.

5/10, day before 3rd vet appointment.
the swelling was daily for over a year
 until he got moving.

5/12, first full day of smzs. the pus
scalded his cannon and i was peeling
hair off it for days.

5/12
a lot of that blood is from the biopsy sites

5/13

5/13. this is very typical of how
sarcoidosis presents on whole body when
it's generalized. 

5/15. the vet had me using chlorhex
cream which fortunately i ran out of
quickly as it was making his skin worse

5/15

5/16. this was the day after starting
stacie's miracle cream recommendation

5/16

5/16

5/21. you can see the deformation of
the hoof that had farrier so worried

5/21

5/22. i was waiting for a new tub of
krudzapper so i scrubbed it clean with castile
soap and was stunned at the progress.

5/22

5/23. a day and night of silvadene dried
it out and set it back a bit.

5/23

5/27. back on krudzapper and much better

5/27

5/29. looking almost like a normal leg again!

5/29

So there you go. That's what localized sarcoidosis looks like in an otherwise healthy Thoroughbred. I can't recommend Krudzapper enough for a mild, conditioning topical. His skin was so burned up from the other things we tried that I was afraid to put anything else on it, but this stuff has made a huge difference in not only clearing up the scabby crust, but keeping the skin from drying out and splitting and helping the hair start to grow back. It can't cure cancer, but it can make it look acceptable to the public eye again!

Suck it, cancer!

After one of the most stressful weeks ever last week where I was a hot mess express--not sleeping, randomly crying, and being a complete scatterbrained bitch that wanted to punch everyone that opened their mouths about their own horse--Friday evening I finally got in touch with my vet again and got some good news.

And then flipped my shit on her a little bit.

The good news is that we got our best case scenario: the cancer is localized to Bobby's leg, and further testing didn't reveal anything more nefarious than the original diagnosis. That, of course, is enough of a problem all on its own. Localized doesn't necessarily mean curable, but it's better than the other two options which both end with guaranteed euthanasia.

I lost it on her because she found that out on Thursday and didn't bother to call me. I put in a call to the office as soon as they opened Friday morning, and she didn't get around to calling me back well into the evening. We finally got around to discussing his feet wherein she brushed off all my relayed information from Farrier and basically told me to make an appointment if I wanted her to look at him again, or just go ahead and pull his shoes and order Easy Boots for the heel pain.

..........

Um. No. To both of those things.

I won't go into my vet rant right now, but let's just say that BM and Farrier echoed my sentiments.

feels dubious about this "vet work". same, bobby.

On Saturday I got on Bobby bareback to see how he was feeling. He was still sore on the LF inside heel, not wanting to do any sort of turning, but feeling pretty okay on the straightaways. I let him meander out of the ring and down to the pond where he got some good grazing in while I texted Farrier. I started him on a gram of bute that he got Saturday night and Sunday and Monday morning.

He didn't do anything Sunday, but Monday I was back aboard. The LF seemed a titch short. Not lame, but since I was looking for something I could feel that tiny hitch. The RF, however, felt fantastic. There was nothing there that was concerning to me and the outside of it continues to heal up to a normal looking albeit hairless leg. (Full pics coming tomorrow.) The second antibiotic we added finally seems to have kicked in and made a huge difference in the swelling to that leg. For how much I'm shelling out for meds, I'm glad to see they're actually doing their job!

We managed fifteen minutes of w/t/c where Bobby was ripping my arms out, and I left off the bute this morning to see if he held up to getting a real ride again.

He. Felt. Phenomenal.

i mean, does this not look like the face of a horse that could beat cancer?

We stuck to w/t because if he's sound at the trot then he's sound at the canter and I was having too much fun letting him coast along on a long rein in my jump tack because....

Well, I scratched all my dressage shows, including the one this weekend, so that might have kind of freed up Sunday to go to a hunter show around the corner. The nice thing about hunter shows is that you don't have to send entries and money in weeks in advance. If he's not sound this weekend, no sweat, we just won't pop over there. If he is, this barn has great footing and I want to grab every single opportunity I can to keep getting this horse out while we still have the chance.

I'll give him tomorrow off, and then we'll (hopefully) finally get a lesson in on Thursday where BM can give me a set of eyes to see where we're at. Keep up the good work, Bobby! You've become far too expensive to do anything else.